Saturday, December 31, 2016

It's never the end but the journey just continues

*tap tap* 

Is this thing on?

After a summer of a lot to say, there's been winter radio silence. Once I stopped training after Portland, my mind went blank and body relaxed. I stopped even thinking about calculating weekly miles and routes, what fuel I was going to eat pre and post workouts, and I let my gear just gather dust. I don't think I've run even a 20 mile week since October. Actually, remember the times I ran 20 miles in one day? How times change. My longest run since the marathon was 8 miles with friends on the Orting trail, which eally was the best. I've been winging the rest. I took a really long "full stop" break, and barely even worked out in November, and then slowly started to ease back in for December. I'm trying to mix up cross training, weights, and running, all without letting myself stress out about numbers. If all I can fit in is 3 miles, then it's 3 miles. 20 minutes to sweat? Great. Lots of rest days? Well ok then. 

I'm really not mad about it.

I wish I could say I'm one of those runners motivated simply by the Miles but...  I need a dangling carrot to really be disciplined. 

A race, a hard goal. Something concrete. 

Otherwise, I just fit in runs whenever I can, sometimes with purpose but mostly just to clear the headspace. Although, if I am being completely honest, sometimes running serves as the source of my stress rather than relief from it. I constantly am obsessing of ways to fit in a run or workout / before work at 4am? After work while everyone is waiting for me to eat dinner? Should I attempt to run at work, during lunch, where I'll end up sweating through my clothes the rest of the day? When? Where? How? 
I know it's not supposed to be this way, but I've always struggled to find some semblance of balance in my life, whether it is my kids and family time, time for myself, time for me and J.  I imagine it won't get better but perhaps even worse, as the kids get older and busier, J gets busier with work and more work and church obligations, and me continuing to commute and survive. 

Do I hope 2017 will be different? Sure thing. I always hope to evolve and get better, no matter what the circumstance or situation. But this should be a goal for me everyday, not just once a year when the clock strikes midnight and my calendar changes once again. 

This morning I'm up way before the sun, sipping coffee, and preparing to meet JL on the trail for a nice, no reason other than for the love of the run, and for some friend time. I feel zero stress about miles or pace. I look forward to time on my feet, chatting with my friend, and perhaps even freezing my booty off, esp lately since there is more to love. #squats 

I do have goals for 2017 but I haven't quite ironed those out yet. I think it's dangerous to set goals for the sake of goal setting. 2016 was the year of the marathon with friends, as 40th birthday presents to ourselves.

Yes, I know. Runners are weird, and I'm sure people are wondering how on earth that could even be considered a gift. 

Anyways, I have goals to hit simply for the motivation and self improvement. And not just in running, but in life - as a mom, wife, friend, sister, Christian. 

So, to everyone with goals and dreams, let's go chase them! Work hard, and be thankful in the journey.

Here's to the last day of 2016. Make it count, just like every other day.

Happy New Year, everyone!

*Drops mic*

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