Pity, Party of One

2/24: Rest
2/25: 3 cautious miles, TM. 29 min (9:41 pace). NTC, 15 min. Vinyasa Rush Studio
2/26: 6 Miles w/ friend. Outside. 58 min (9:41 pace)
2/27: Skipped Rest
2/28: Skipped Rest
3/1: 10 Miles (2TM - 18 min, 8 outside with friend: 1:17 (9:41 pace)
3/2: Rest

3/3: Rest
3/4: 6 Miles, TM. 53:55 (8:59 pace)
3/5: Rest
3/6: 6 Miles, TM 54:09 (9:01 pace) - Ran under JB's IFit profile, so I did not get the 6 mi credit to my profile. Mild. Rage.
3/7: Skipped Rest
3/8: 10 Miles (8 w/ friend - 1:18. TM - 18min

3/9: 5 Miles, TM. 44:54 (8:59 pace)
      *added Sunday 3/9


***

So. Maybe I'm a little behind on my blogging? Not that much of excitement has been happening. Lots of not running, skipped training days, and flying as my main mode of transport, via the flapping.

The last couple of weeks have been quite the mental challenge. During the my last training cycle, I felt

Strong.
Confident.
Able.

This training, my third, has felt very different. I feel

Weak
Discouraged.
Doubtful.

After my week 2 debacle, I thought I'd be totally ready to get back into training mode - with 4 am wake ups, early morning weekend runs and at least two days of strength thrown in there. I felt so ready to be bad ass again.

That didn't last very long.

I juggled my days around so my first run back after my week break was not a 6 mile tempo run, and instead eased back in with 3 easy treadmill miles, followed by some NTC 15 min yoga. I felt strong, and felt confident that I could pick up right where I had left off.

I was off of work the next day, so I arranged to run some easy miles outside with my neighbor friend. The weather was beautiful, the warm sun was beating down on us, and we ended up running 6 miles. She even ran with a stroller, with nary a complaint. The miles flew by and I felt great.

Then, Thursday.

The wheels started to fall off. I skipped my Thursday run. Skipped my Friday make up run.
And then came Saturday. Rough 8 miles outside with my friend (2 miles on the treadmill prior to meet up).

Slog slog slog.

Determined to start week 4 with a better attitude, I woke up on Tuesday, banged out 6 solid miles, 3 of those at GHMP, and had a great rest of my day. Woke up Thursday, ran 6 more solid miles, and felt less horrible about myself fine. I was fine. FINE.

Then, today. 10 miles total, 8 with D. We started out at a solid, easy 9:30-ish pace and just got slower and more painful steady. She even so kindly offered to cut it short if I wasn't feeling like running the entire 8. I figure if she could tolerate my whining, I could at least run the mileage she needed to hit for training. We ended right at 8 miles, and then walked the rest of the way home. I jumped on the treadmill for 2 more once I got home to reach a total of 10 for today.  Honestly, without having her with me the last two weekends, I'm not sure if I would have even ran. I definitely would have skipped today's run had it not been for making a run date with her. Lately, my motivation and confidence has been severely lacking.

***

Even after all of this time, I still struggle with the bipolar nature that is running. I have days where I feel invincible and can go on for miles and miles. There are also days where I feel like quitting as I'm running out of my cul-de-sac.Some days, a 9:30 pace will feel like I am climbing up Mt. Everest. Other days it will feel easy and effortless. Some of those contrasting runs will happen within the same week.

Honestly, I am really struggling.. I have no answers. No magic formula for when/if I will ever feel like I am progressing. Right now I feel like I am getting slower, fatter, whinier.

I know this feeling is fleeting and that my hard work and training will come to fruition. I need just trust in the training. Trust in myself. Trust in all of this.

But, right now, I'm just... struggling.